| Sunday, June 29th, 2008 |
| 11:25 pm |
alone
I know i haven't posted in here in awhile and i only seem to do it when it is not very good. Man I have been really lately ever since the start of "wedding season" I have a bunch of weddings to go to this year and going alone makes you feel really akward when all of your friends are engaged or have serious signifagant others. I love my friends and I am so happy for them, so do misunderstand taht. I am so happy for them I just wish I had someone to share it with to. Also I really miss my friends and the city of pittsburgh alot. I really want to get back. well this a a good vent. Night world.... Current Mood:  lonely |
| Tuesday, February 26th, 2008 |
| 10:38 pm |
oily marks appear on walls where pleasure moments hung before the takeover, the sweeping insensitivity of this still life hide and seek trains and sewing machines (oh, you won't catch me around here) blood and tears (hearts) they were here first Mmmm whacha say, Mmmm that you only meant well? well of course you did Mmmm whacha say, Mmmm that its all for the best? Because it is Mmmm whacha say? Mmmm that it's just what we need you decided this whacha say? Mmmm what did she say? ransom notes keep falling out your mouth mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs speak no feeling no i don't believe you you don't care a bit, Current Mood:  confused |
| Monday, January 28th, 2008 |
| 8:47 pm |
man
Well I actually got half a free night and decided to check up on my friends and it was very depressing... everyone is happy and in serious relationships and I can't even get a date. even the one person who I never thought would be in a serious relationship before me is. what the hell is wrong with me that girls don't seem to show the slight bit of interest. I never used have this much trouble getting a date.... wow well I am going to sulk in bed for the night.... well at least I have my puppy yo leep me company p.s.- I got a dog and she is awesome.... word later.. |
| Wednesday, December 5th, 2007 |
| 9:58 pm |
???
I thought once you got a college degree and a job life was so to be easy, but I think I am more confused the ever. Where am I going to be... who am I going ot be with... what am I going ot be doing.... whew... who knows... |
| Saturday, November 3rd, 2007 |
| 7:56 pm |
who knows
Well here I am sitting in a Holiday Inn room watching a movie ( a romantic comedy none the less) I had a great weekend at PASIC I saw a lot of great clinics and concerts. You would think I would be in great spirits, but all the SRU guys left this afternoon and I am staying till tomorrow morning so here I sit in my hotel where I got some food delivered and I started watching this romantic movie and of course it takes my mind into the lonely state of mind because in this movie everything is so perfect. I sit here all alone and wish for that special someone. Someone who would be right here beside me laying on my shoulder watching this movie with me sharing this moment on a nice weekend vacation. It used to be so easy for me to meet girls and get girls to be interested in me know I can't even barely get girls to talk to me and the ones I can aren't interest in more then a friendship or are already involved with someone else. Everyone around me is getting married or in serious relationships and I can't even get a date. What happened? Did I lose my appeal somewhere along the way. I mean I am sure the marching band thing doesnt help since I have no time to spend with someone or to get to know anyone. I had a lot of life goals when I entered college I have only accomplished the one about becoming a High School band director, but I am not living around pittsburgh and I was looking to be married starting a family by 25.... Here it is I am 6 months away and I can't find a date let alone find that special someone. Well I don't know why I can't think of anything but this anymore. All because of this thing I can't be happy with life WHY??? I should be happy. I have a grat job, great friends, great family, and great students.I should be happy but I am not. Why is no one interested in me? I know I am not the most attractive man. I havea few extra pounds, but I am successful in my eyes, I have a good job, and am pretty secure financially. Man this drives me crazy. Well if anyone out there has an answer or solution to any of these problems let me know. Well moving on now. Well at PASIC I got some good stuff I bought a bunch of stuff to take to my school and I finally got a Djembe. IT is really nice. I got alot of ideas for the indoor shoe I am about to embark upon. I hope they work out. I saw some cool hand drumming, some DCI percussion, and some cool perc ensembles. It was a great weekend with the guys at PASIC. We got to go to lots of things i Have never done before like.....Hooka (sp?) bar, White Castle (GROSS!!), cab ride, I also got to go to some really cool places that I have been before, Bucca da Beppo, Cold stone creamery... but it was all awesome with good people around. I miss them alot. I miss Doctor Glover alot!! I got to spend some time with him and it was great. He got an article published in Modern Drummer and told me I needed to go get it and read it and give him some critique on it. That meant alot to me that he felt so adamant about wanting my opinion. It is good to know someone who yhou respect so much thinks that highly of you. It was good weekend. It will end great to I am supposed to meet Pam and harris tomorrow for lunch I miss them alot it will be good to see them. Well I am going to finish this movie and take a long shower and get ready to sleep and get ready for my last night away on my weekend vacation. Thanks if you read this whole thing this far I appreciate it. Word. I will write more I am sure in a while. Later........ "Find the beauty in the Dissonance" Current Mood: lonely |
| Sunday, September 16th, 2007 |
| 1:08 am |
????
such a lonely day and its mine.... I miss everyone and long for the one relation |
| Sunday, August 19th, 2007 |
| 9:26 pm |
so little time so muc hto do and say
Well here in Ltown it feels like fall. I am sitting in my room on my labtop and it is actually pretty cold. And for those of you taht know me it must be cold if I am cold. but I love it. to me it reminds me that fall is right arounf the corner. I love fall it always ma kes me happy. I don't know what it is about it but it is always a great time of year for me. i am in the best spirits around Halloween, which is the greatest holiday ever. AS for life I wouldnt say taht I am happy but I am content. I have a job more close to whatI havwe imagined for myself I am a high school band director. I still wish the job was in pittsburgh. I love pittsburgh and want to live around it. but for the most part I am content in ltown becasue I have some friends to hang out with. School and band camp have kept me busy over the last few weeks. I am exhausted but had a good restful weekend. I have inservice all this week. so school starts next week. I think the only thing that I am not content with is on the relationship front. I am so ready to get to dating again, but I dont really know how any more. It was always through band that I met my girlfriends and that is over. I miss having someone to lay with to laugh with and to hold on teh cold nights. I had no interest in dating for a long time, but it seems the last few I have had interest in I couldnt date for varied reasons. oh well enough about that. I got phone calls from people at SRU band camp this weekend andI miss it alot. I wish I was there. I have to march again I cant take not marching. so DCa here I come hopefully. I have lost about 20 pounds since I have been home but I still want to lose more I didnt really work out much the last couple weeks do to the 13 hour days I have been hbaving but I need to get back into it. I am under 300 pounds for the first time since high school I am pretty excited about atht. I got to see some old friends last night which was great. i love reminiscing with old friends. I miss them alot. well I am tired of typing on here so I think I am going to go to bed. Night world I will write more later. word.... |
| Friday, August 10th, 2007 |
| 11:02 pm |
its been a while
its been a while since i have slept... I cant wait for band camp to be over.. it is the weekend and i am going to sleep instead of going out because i am exhausted.... I have a lot to update on but it will ahve to wiat... sleep comes swiftly... night cruel world.... |
| Tuesday, June 19th, 2007 |
| 1:49 am |
really tired
Well I got back to PA... WOOO HOOO!!!! I can't wait for Kwood and Idlewild.... Looking for a little job to make a little dough in the mean time.... All is going alright.... I am going to go to bed for I am really tired and it is almost 2 am.... losts of excercising, swimming, job hunting, and unpacking to do otmorrow...Sorry for the short entry but I am tired... |
| Thursday, June 14th, 2007 |
| 3:04 pm |
The end
Well very shortly from now I am going to leave my first permenant teaching job. This plavce has taught me a lot and been a defining thing for me. I am going to miss it in a weird way and it will always be in me.... good bye west clayton... |
| Tuesday, June 5th, 2007 |
| 7:21 pm |
crazy idea
Well I have come up with quite an idea. There is a chance I might be directing an indoor line next winter. It is a small group who have not been around very long. I decided I wanted to write a show they would have a lot of fun with and could relate to so this is the idea I cam up with. I am writing a show using the music of Linkin park. The songs that I decided to use (I think) in this order are.. Place for my head Breaking the Habit One Step Closer In the end The part I am finding the most difficult is keeping the intensity without all the electronics. but I think I will hopefully be able to pull it off. THe theme I want to work with is the struggle of adolescence/ becoming an adult.... something of that sorts. I figure that is a show that they will enjoy and can relate to. This show might be harder then I thought to begin with... anyone who has any ideas or wants to help... feel free to contact me I am sure I will need some help on this one... |
| Sunday, June 3rd, 2007 |
| 7:16 pm |
Good/bad week
Well I got to go to the beach last weekend it was a blast. I got to see some old friends which was awesome. We hung out swam did some good old acrobatics in the ocean and touch base on what has happened since we all last got together. The only bad part of the whole thing was the fact that i had to go back to school on tuesday and teach. That was as per usual. Then I Went back to the beach on friday for one last night and it wasnt the same. Drama had engulfed and split the house and I think two of my best friends may have destroyed a friendship over stupid shit. I felt like I had to choose sides and I kind of did and gave them both waht I thought so they would know. Hopefully it will fix things. The good parts of the last night were being pong chamions with John and getting a phone call from a friend I had not talked to in a while. I made plans to meet them in July which is good. WEll I am going to relax a bit... word peace out... |
| Sunday, May 20th, 2007 |
| 9:13 am |
Great Day
Yesterday I got the chance to go to Kings Dominion with the Karns City Band. IT was a great reception when I first got there all the kids ran up and gave me hugs. ALl the parents made a point to come talk to me to see how thigns were going and to say that they NEED me to come back and take the assitant position next year becaseu they cannot think of anyone eles they would want mroe for us to take it. Then after they band did their band parade performance they had a picture taken and they made me come into the picture even though I had not been with them in months. then I spent the day with my co-op (Dorinda) her husband (Tom) her daughter(Darci) and Sarci's Fiance ( JAke) It was such a good time they are great people that I would love to hang out with at any time. We had a great time. We rode rollercoasters and other rides and ate great fod and had great times. They all talked to me about getting me to come back and get a job in the area.They all even offered to let me stay with them till I got on my feet and Dorinda and Tom offered to let me rent their second house that they are moving out of. At dinner they even told me i need to come back so I can go on vacations with them and hang out with them more often which I would love because they are a great time. Darci, who teaches at Moniteau high school told me to come back and become a sub at Moniteau so that in the fall I can be a chaperone on here choir trip and go to Disneyworld with them for free!!! They are such great people. I had never been to Kings Dominion, but it i a great park. It is HUGE!!! I didn't get through the whole park. I rode a lot of good rides though. I waited for 2 and half hours to get on the new ride the Volcano, but when I got up there and rtried to get into the seat they could not get the thing over my chest and shoulders so I couldnt ride and couyldnt ride. That was a bummer because everyone said it was the best ride in the park. oh well I rode a lot of great coasters. THe Italian Job ride was so sweet!!! I wish it was longer though. I wish I would of gotten to hang out with some of the students more becasue I miss them alot. Espcially some of my favorites. IOverall it was a fantastic day!!! It starts off the stretch of great weekends. Next Weekend is the beach and i can't wait!!! WEll I am going to go get some stuff done around the apt and watch the pirates game at 1. Have a good one everyone!!! |
| Sunday, May 13th, 2007 |
| 6:18 pm |
Home stretch
Well I am moving home the weekend of June 17th. I cannot wait. I feel so much better and less depressed when I am in PA. I still have no idea wat I am going to d ofor the summer other then the kwood and idlewild 2 weeks of gigs. If I have the money I want to see if Kit still wants to go see B... but of course money is a factor. I am hoping to move back to Pittsburgh as soon as possible but that is hard with no job or college plans yet. So I guess for now i can move to L-town and hang out with Ed, Greg, John and other L-town Peeps. I hate and love the weekends. I love them because I get a break from school and work but I hate them becasue I am usually pretty bored. I didn't go see my usual weekend movie this weekend due to the fact I need to save some money for upcomming cool events. Next weekend I am hoping to go up to King Dominion where the band I student taught and helped out with is comming for their band trip next weekend. When I was visiting My co-op said she was pretty sure they had an extra ticket too which would be sweet!! I sent her an e-mail on friday but have not gotten one back as of yet. i hope they have a free one because that would save 40 bucks. Which I then coul inturn spend the next weekend when Ed, John and some of ed's friends are comming to NC to go to the beach. We have rented a house in Corolla. So I will be spending Memorial day weekend at the outerbanks. I wll then go back up the friday after taht to finish out the week there as well. So that is some prety exciting weekends comming up and I am pumped. WEll one nice thing has come from the boring weekends i have become an awesome Tigerwoods Player on the Xbox!! I need to get B, Kit, Scotty D, Billy , and all the others back together because it would be a hell of a game if the rest of them stayed as good as they were. Maybe I can do that with some of them this summer. I have gotten Addicted to Tiger and have not played much else I need to paly some Baseball sometime to for when I get back together with all of them to play. Well I am on countdown till the school year is over and I get to leave NC. Hopefully i can get a dream job back around Pittsburgh, but at this point any job would do. So let me knwo if anyone who reads this hears anything. Well I am off for a bit.. Talk to everyone later... HAve a good one... peace out.... |
| Monday, May 7th, 2007 |
| 8:47 pm |
Falling
Man I don't think I have ben this depressed feeling as I am right now. I NEED to get back to PA and pittsburgh with my friends. I am miserable. But it seems I just keep getting rejection I wish I knew what looks so bad about me on paper. I cannot seem to get an interview. This is driving me crazy. I went home this weekend to get my FBI clearance done so that maybe that would help. I am hoping that has been my only problem, but I am worried my GPA is another problem I was not a great student my last couple years of school. Man am I kicking my own ass for that now. I am honestly going crazy and pretty much had a nervous breakdown in my apartment today. I haven't cried in years but i lost it. I believe i have more desire to be a high school band director around pittsburgh then anyone I know. What is wrong with my paperwork that makes me look so bad or at least not good enough. I have so much marching band experience what the hell!!! I am honestly going crazy down here and i feel like i have no friends. I want to alk to someone but I don't know who to call. the one person I feel I can call has gone MIA. and the other two are always so busy and cant talk. I am losing my grip soon I am going to fall... I need to be back in Pittsburgh by fall at the latest or I will be in the asylum... Along with my mental state everything is going....... I feeel horrible at times because I am having doubts in my faith but it is just becasue I feel like IH ave been a good person and deserve to be where I want to be. I will always have my faith but sometimes I have harsh thoughts in my mind... I really hope I get accepted to Duquense becasue I need something to grasp on to. something for me to be happy about. whew........ On the good side of things Patty got accepted to Norfalk State U and is moving to Va beach in the summer which is awesome for her. she is going back for school pyschology. I htink she will be great at it. also some of my high school friends are comming ot NC and renting a house in hte outer banks over memorial day so I am going ot see them and have a lot fun.. I cant wait for that. Well I need to get some rest and relaxation. pray for my sanity..... "I'm losing my grip and I'm in this thing alone" Current Mood: depressed |
| Wednesday, May 2nd, 2007 |
| 11:03 pm |
????
Where is life taking me... why can i get nothing I work for..... I have never felt so helpless as I do now.... why not me.... |
| Saturday, April 21st, 2007 |
| 3:54 pm |
Looking for a light at the end of the tunnel but seeing nothing but darkness
Well I just got a phone call from a good friend back in Slippery Rock and it really made me sad. They were going to my favoirte place in the world ( McConnells Mills) and needed directions somewhere. Man it just seems like I am getting shafted at every corner. THe lack of jobs mixed with not getting calls from schools is killing me. I need to get back to the pittsburhg area but I am afraid to do it without a job. I have applied to grad school so worse come to worse I will jsut go back to school. That is if I get accepted. Well Wish me luck time is starting to run out and i need a lot of luck very soon. |
| Wednesday, March 28th, 2007 |
| 8:27 pm |
"There's no crying in baseball"
lol.. I am watching "A League of their Own" on ABC family. It is a great movie. I forgot how much I like it. Well other then that life is going pretty well. Easter break is quickly approaching. I am pretty excited about it. It should be a lot of fun. I have a lot planned for the break. I am going to see a lot of people I haven't seen in a while. Put out a lot of resumes and info to schools in OH. I hope one of them works out if I can't get a job around Pittsburgh. Plus they are high schools with MARCHING BANDS!!!! I want a marching band so much. I am also applying to Duquense for grad school I hope I can get in. It seems to be a great program. Alright that is all for now. I will write more later. peace out... |
| Sunday, March 25th, 2007 |
| 1:45 pm |
Things change
so today I was talking to someone i havent talked to in a long time. IT was weird. we have lost touch so much. We used to be two extremely good friends. We talked a couple times a week and for hours at atime. I miss those times. I miss them as a friend! I can't believe i lost them as a friend. I miss the olds days. Summers of being in the kwood band and going out and having a blast meeting new peopl everyday. Man I know things have to change but I don't want them to I want to go back to they way things were. I miss her and her friendship. but I guess if it wasnt meant to be it wasnt meant to be. stupid changes. later all... I miss the old days... When going through hell keep going.. |
| Wednesday, March 21st, 2007 |
| 9:21 pm |
I am a nerd
So I am definitely a weird guy.... I just wanted to let everyone know that I had a good St. Patricks day that I spent getting drunk watching the history channel for 4 hours.... I love the history channel man.. I am strange... then tonight I am watchign a ghost show becasue I am obsessed wit hghosts and the paranormal... I just like to geek out a bit sometimes... well all is ok in NC. I still wish I was in Pittsburgh but I am making do. I get to go home soon for a bit hopefully I will Have time to go to the burgh to... we shall see. nothing new going on just been having a lot of strange dreams lately... not bad just weird dreams with people I heven't thought about in a long itme in them... and now they are making me curious about waht those people are up to... oh well.. back to ghost watching...lol... peace out world... |
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